Next week, I’m speaking at the Fort Collins Startup Week on a panel about women in technology. Specifically, we are tackling how tech startups can be more mindful of creating an inclusive and diverse culture.
In marketing, there is a healthy mix of men and women leaders. Roughly 55% of marketers are women and over half of the Top 50 CMO’s of 2018 are women. So, on the surface, I’m in a pretty well-balanced space. However, I’ve always worked in software and, for the past several years, in the oil and gas sector. When you start to break down the demographics of software developers, IT, analysts and engineers and pair that up to the male-dominated industry that is oil and gas, suddenly a lot fewer women are sitting that the table.
In my career, I’ve sat in countless meetings as the sole female in the room. I’ve hosted dinners and organized events where my audience was 85-90% male. While I’ve been fortunate to work for forward-thinking organizations with female leaders in critical roles, I’ve witnessed my counterparts in both profession and gender take lesser roles at other companies. It’s an issue I’m passionate about and I am thrilled to have the opportunity to share my views with startups in Northern Colorado later this month.
In preparation for the panel, I was asked a simple question, “What is the greatest challenge you’ve faced as a woman in a male-dominated, tech industry?”
As I pondered the question and recounted the multiple scenarios of mansplaining, comments about my attire or looks, and the flat out harassment that I’ve endured, I realized that my biggest challenge as a women in tech was my own self-limiting belief system.
I thought of a specific incident, that I’ll briefly re-tell, where I pitched a concept to rebrand the services arm of a software company as a separate, public-facing business unit. Swept up in my confidence that my strategy was correct, I went as far as to mock up logos and and a website concept to support the story of the new unit.
It was met with significant pushback. And, I could have handled pushback. There were a lot of questions and concerns, which I anticipated. I was ready for constructive criticisms… even just plain criticism. But, what I didn’t anticipate was a personal attack. One of the senior leaders took the opportunity to call my pitch “a product of my inexperience in our industry and business in general.” The conversation swiftly came to halt.
I froze.
Every part of me began to unravel. I could feel my face getting hot, my hands sweating, and tears stinging the backs of my eyes. After stunned silence, others attempted to carry on the conversation while I sat with my mouth shut, full of fear that I’d cry if I tried to speak. Eventually, I mustered up enough composure to close the meeting and shuffle out of the room, utterly defeated.
Today, I can re-tell this story and you know instantly that this person was clearly in the wrong (and a total douchebag). But, on the day it happened, I couldn’t help but wonder if he was right. I couldn’t stand up for myself because I doubted my own ability. I couldn’t steer the conversation back to a constructive and productive place because I had absolutely no faith in my own plan or expertise. Despite my significant experience in rebranding and in software marketing, and the weeks of research and consideration I put into my plan, I let someone derail me because I didn’t believe in myself.
And when I recount the other times of my career when I had the opportunity to stand up for myself and could not or would not, it was always due to doubt in myself. My own self-limiting beliefs have held me back over and over - even in situations when someone else was clearly in the wrong and I’d been fully prepared.
So, to address the question that was presented to me: “What is the greatest challenge you’ve faced as a woman in a male-dominated, tech industry?” My answer is: Learning to believe in myself.
I’ve had to learn to overcome negative self-talk. I’ve had to learn how not to apologize for providing my opinion or getting a promotion or earning more money. I’ve had to learn how to take the pride and admiration that I’ve typically reserved for other women leaders, and shed a little of that love on myself.
In male-dominated/tech industries, we can’t always lean on or find a female leader or mentor to support us. We have to be diligent learning to believe in and support ourselves, so we have the courage and confidence to speak up. We need to have the courage and confidence to speak up to stop gender bias in the workplace, to create communities and companies that support and encourage women leaders, and to ultimately allow us all to find success.
By the way, we ended up moving forward with the rebranding and successfully launched the public-facing unit with complete support from the full team later that year. ;)